Ad Futuram
My parents taught me to be forward-thinking, but I think I've abused that tendency way too much over the last few years. Sometimes it gets to the point where I can't even get to sleep because of all the possibilities whirling around in my head.
"It's an unsettled time, Honey. It's supposed to feel weird. Constant change is here to stay. Get comfy with dependence on God." That's the nutshell of what my parents and close counsel have been telling me for the last... what is it... three years?
Wow, three years.
Deciding to come to PHC was huge, of course. Deciding to stay at PHC after my first semester was a biggie. Deciding to join Grace after my eighteen-year-old certainty that I would never be part of any church except CLC--that was the most impactful decision I've made in these last years.
And now, having as I do an itchy trigger-finger when it comes to making decisions that won't come due for another year....
What am I gonna do after I get my Lit degree?
Answer: dunno, and I'm getting increasingly comfortable with not knowing.
Oh, I have ideas. Doesn't everybody? I'm pretty dead sure that I need to come home for a year. It's counter-intuitive to the world's mentality of life after college, but it's what I have peace about, and what my parents have peace about. Seems to be God's leading.
I would very much like to return to PHC in two years for my History degree (that would be your Senior year, Stars). I don't know if it will happen. I might--shoot, why not?--try an English grad school instead. There's a Sovereign Grace church in Wales. I could also go to Japan and teach English to small dark-eyed children (not kidding; there are missionaries over there who run these wonderful elementary schools), and I'd love an opportunity to do missions work.
During my year at home, I'll be teaching Literature. That's pretty much a given. Either I'll teach at the private school attached to CLC (CLS), or I'll assemble a couple of co-ops. Wow, that's scary. Can I teach?
Lord, what are you getting me into?
This morning Davy and I were riding over to the office. The damp smeltering summer heat has struck MD. "I want to go North." I said. "I love Virginia for its mountains, but I want to live someplace cool and mountainous."
"Know what you mean," he replied. Davy doesn't like the wet heat either. We're both "Narnian" in that sense--no Calormen oil and desert for us, thanks just the same.
Wouldn't it be fun to live in a cottage by the sea? Of course, I can't justify it, but it would be fun. This morning I was reading along in The Rare Jewel of Christian Contentment, and Burroughs said something that rearranged my perspective (I love Puritan books!). Basically, he said that if one has a humble work-with-your-hands-and-mind-your-own-business calling, as opposed to a save-the-world calling, then that's good, because it actually takes more obedience to do that than the other, because the other is almost certainly tainted by ambition and self-worship, or at least will be severely tempted in that way.
Burroughs says that our work is not measured in quantity so much as quality. The Lord will judge us according to our faithfulness ("Well done, good and faithful servant"), not according to the magnitude of what we've done. Growing up with parents like mine, and then coming to PHC, it's easy to assume that God has "great things in store" for me.
What if "great things" means tending a garden and raising kids? What if "great things" is writing stories for my children, to encourage them in their walk with God, instead of writing epic novels for the world and all its generations? What if "great things" is serving in my local church, maybe as a Sunday School teacher? What if "great things" means just being a wife who loves her husband like nobody's business?
I dunno about you, but that actually sounds like big doings to me. What greater joy is there, anyway, than to see your kids walking in the truth? What more do I want, on this earth, than a family just like mine? We work hard and celebrate God's grace much. We love deeply and laugh, and cry, and live well. Our family motto since the 1400's has been "Fear God in life." It works, you know? Loving God and loving people--it's just a splendid way to be.
So hello, Futura. I'm Christy. I know where I'm going, and I know who I am. I'm Heavenbound and my identity is Christ. That's all I need to know.
Bring it on. :)
"It's an unsettled time, Honey. It's supposed to feel weird. Constant change is here to stay. Get comfy with dependence on God." That's the nutshell of what my parents and close counsel have been telling me for the last... what is it... three years?
Wow, three years.
Deciding to come to PHC was huge, of course. Deciding to stay at PHC after my first semester was a biggie. Deciding to join Grace after my eighteen-year-old certainty that I would never be part of any church except CLC--that was the most impactful decision I've made in these last years.
And now, having as I do an itchy trigger-finger when it comes to making decisions that won't come due for another year....
What am I gonna do after I get my Lit degree?
Answer: dunno, and I'm getting increasingly comfortable with not knowing.
Oh, I have ideas. Doesn't everybody? I'm pretty dead sure that I need to come home for a year. It's counter-intuitive to the world's mentality of life after college, but it's what I have peace about, and what my parents have peace about. Seems to be God's leading.
I would very much like to return to PHC in two years for my History degree (that would be your Senior year, Stars). I don't know if it will happen. I might--shoot, why not?--try an English grad school instead. There's a Sovereign Grace church in Wales. I could also go to Japan and teach English to small dark-eyed children (not kidding; there are missionaries over there who run these wonderful elementary schools), and I'd love an opportunity to do missions work.
During my year at home, I'll be teaching Literature. That's pretty much a given. Either I'll teach at the private school attached to CLC (CLS), or I'll assemble a couple of co-ops. Wow, that's scary. Can I teach?
Lord, what are you getting me into?
This morning Davy and I were riding over to the office. The damp smeltering summer heat has struck MD. "I want to go North." I said. "I love Virginia for its mountains, but I want to live someplace cool and mountainous."
"Know what you mean," he replied. Davy doesn't like the wet heat either. We're both "Narnian" in that sense--no Calormen oil and desert for us, thanks just the same.
Wouldn't it be fun to live in a cottage by the sea? Of course, I can't justify it, but it would be fun. This morning I was reading along in The Rare Jewel of Christian Contentment, and Burroughs said something that rearranged my perspective (I love Puritan books!). Basically, he said that if one has a humble work-with-your-hands-and-mind-your-own-business calling, as opposed to a save-the-world calling, then that's good, because it actually takes more obedience to do that than the other, because the other is almost certainly tainted by ambition and self-worship, or at least will be severely tempted in that way.
Burroughs says that our work is not measured in quantity so much as quality. The Lord will judge us according to our faithfulness ("Well done, good and faithful servant"), not according to the magnitude of what we've done. Growing up with parents like mine, and then coming to PHC, it's easy to assume that God has "great things in store" for me.
What if "great things" means tending a garden and raising kids? What if "great things" is writing stories for my children, to encourage them in their walk with God, instead of writing epic novels for the world and all its generations? What if "great things" is serving in my local church, maybe as a Sunday School teacher? What if "great things" means just being a wife who loves her husband like nobody's business?
I dunno about you, but that actually sounds like big doings to me. What greater joy is there, anyway, than to see your kids walking in the truth? What more do I want, on this earth, than a family just like mine? We work hard and celebrate God's grace much. We love deeply and laugh, and cry, and live well. Our family motto since the 1400's has been "Fear God in life." It works, you know? Loving God and loving people--it's just a splendid way to be.
So hello, Futura. I'm Christy. I know where I'm going, and I know who I am. I'm Heavenbound and my identity is Christ. That's all I need to know.
Bring it on. :)
posted by Praelucor at 11:40 AM
2 Comments:
I know the uncertainty well. It is a blessing, isn't it? Because if we were certain about everything, we wouldn't think we needed God, now would we? I know this from experience. :P
"To live would be an awfully big adventure." ~ Peter Pan
I was telling an old friend from high school (married and expecting--yikes!) yesterday at church that I didn't know what I was going to do after graduation. She gives me this look and goes, "God will show you what to do."
Talk about a word spoken in season...
Uncertainty may be good, but it is not presently fun.
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