Sunday, July 10, 2005

Midsummer Night's Dream?

It's midsummer, and right about this time I always begin to wonder...

Did I only dream a place called PHC? Seriously. I mean, don't you ever wonder? I can't recall the feel of the bricks beneath my bare feet; I only remember that they were warm when we sat out there for dinner in the summer evenings. I don't remember the smell of the buildings, though I remember that one existed.

Speaking of dorms... did I ever really sit in one of those chairs and watch the light change? A golden teatime hour after classes and before dinner--was it truly there that I spent those moments of relaxation? Was that the site of evenings with tea, boooks, conversation, and good friends? It is as unreal to me as Titania or Oberon, truly.

Over and over again, friends tell me "I don't belong at home any more. I only belong at PHC." At the beginning of each summer, I agree with them. But soft--why then is it that, by August, PHC is the dream and home the warm, living, many-colored reality?

By August, I shall be hard-pressed to contain my rebellion against leaving home again. What, again? How, sever myself from my dear ones again? What sort of a fool do you take me for?

"I look on it as a necessary evil." Mama says, while I lie curled up beside her on her bed. "It's not fair," I reply, hurting. "Why should I have to be cut up between two worlds?" I felt like the baby in that story of Solomon's judgment. But this system of education is my allotment from the hand of a gracious, all-sovereign God. Have I an arm like God's, and can I thunder with a voice like his? No.


"Where understanding fails, let worship begin." - C.H. Spurgeon

Domine, te non intellego.

Sed te oro.

2 Comments:

Blogger sarah said...

Wow. What a lovely photograph from Webshots. It looks... magical. :)

I enjoyed our long cell phone conversation last night, dear. :) And I can assure you, PHC is not a dream. It's not ideal enough to be a dream, though it's as close as it's probably gonna get in this world.

10:43 PM  
Blogger Lisa Adams said...

I know exactly what you mean... at the beginning of summer, even though I don't change locations, I still feel displaced, weird, lonely, missing school and feeling like falling asleep in a corner until it comes back. Now, even though I still miss people and am looking forward to school beginning, I am more accustomed to my summer routine and actually enjoying it... the time with my sisters, fun with coworkers, flow of different activities, traveling beyond Walmart, sleeping more...

There is so much variety and change in the student life, I think all of us feel stretched between at least 2 worlds. But though there is a weirdness involved, an always missing at least one place and one life, I think we should ENJOY the variety -- aren't we so glad our lives aren't boring?!

9:57 PM  

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