Surprised by Kindness
I find this paradox at work within my life, that when I am most aware of a trial, I am at the same time most grateful for it. Pressure in my life so tends to reveal God at work, so evidences grace, and brings me to my knees in awe.
This morning, for example, I found myself in tears. The deadlines seem utterly impossible; my fall semester likewise, and my body (or perhaps more accurately, my mental power) is wearing out under the combined lack of sleep and recreation. It has been two and half weeks now since I have had any sort of break from this strain.
Yet, in the midst of it, I find such subtle and dear gifts. My quiet times have become unspeakably precious to me. I am in prayer more constantly than I think perhaps I have ever been. God is very near. And the people around me, oh, so kind! Mom took time out of her own incredible busyness to pray with me. Casey gave me a hug and a reminder of the Gospel. Jay left my favorite snacks on my chair while I was in the other room. Davy gave me that look of his which I can only describe as "I understand." Laura rubbed my back--everybody is praying for me. The girls in my caregroup sent me a card.
I am utterly astonished, though of course I shouldn't be (and yet, shouldn't I be?). How is it possible that there could be so much kindness in the world? "From the top down," as they say---beginning with God. As I told Casey through my tears, I would a thousand times rather have this trial and all the sweet awareness of God that it brings, than not. What a paradox is the Christian life! When I am most tested, then comes the deepest and most exquisite delights.
Oh God, what a wonder you are.
This morning, for example, I found myself in tears. The deadlines seem utterly impossible; my fall semester likewise, and my body (or perhaps more accurately, my mental power) is wearing out under the combined lack of sleep and recreation. It has been two and half weeks now since I have had any sort of break from this strain.
Yet, in the midst of it, I find such subtle and dear gifts. My quiet times have become unspeakably precious to me. I am in prayer more constantly than I think perhaps I have ever been. God is very near. And the people around me, oh, so kind! Mom took time out of her own incredible busyness to pray with me. Casey gave me a hug and a reminder of the Gospel. Jay left my favorite snacks on my chair while I was in the other room. Davy gave me that look of his which I can only describe as "I understand." Laura rubbed my back--everybody is praying for me. The girls in my caregroup sent me a card.
I am utterly astonished, though of course I shouldn't be (and yet, shouldn't I be?). How is it possible that there could be so much kindness in the world? "From the top down," as they say---beginning with God. As I told Casey through my tears, I would a thousand times rather have this trial and all the sweet awareness of God that it brings, than not. What a paradox is the Christian life! When I am most tested, then comes the deepest and most exquisite delights.
Oh God, what a wonder you are.
posted by Praelucor at 11:32 AM
4 Comments:
I am praying for all of you! So grateful for your posts. They are a blessing to my soul. I want to come back! Don't know yet when that can happen. We are going full-blast on business plans. I love you!
I hear you. I think you are much in the same spot I was several months ago, when I was working on my History project - awash in a strong current, clinging to the life preserver that is God. I was praying for you last night.
Aww ... I am so glad you are being encouraged, and I hope you take this comment as a hug from afar. I have been so blessed by the kindness of friends (including you) during my lowlights and stressful seasons. God is so merciful to often use these painful times to remind us of His strength, perfect in our weakness, and also to remind us of the friends He's given us.
Regarding directing, if that is any source of your anxiety right now, remember that God is faithful, that none of it needs to be done until you arrive on campus. Each day brings enough trouble of its own ... so live in today, and God holds tomorrow in His hands.
See you soon :)!
God is doing a work of grace in your heart! It comes out in your writing style.
I'm praying for you.
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