Strictly Sensuous, But Getting Deeper
Deciding to embrace change, and even acquiring some basic proficiency in doing it, does automatically turn one into a Grand Master or a Wizard of the Art of Changing Gracefully.
I consider myself an upper novice. Had I begun to train earlier, I could have been by now a skilled member of the open division, but---more from lack of willingness to learn than from lack of opportunity to practice---it is only in the last year or so that I have begun to pay serious attention to the discipline of graceful change.
This clumsiness is still evident in my style of performing a change, which I shall now judge critically as belonging to the category of "strictly sensuous." A real adept, when faced with a change, is able not only to experience change on three levels (the surface or sensuous level of details, the deep level of emotional response, and the deepest level of the soul), but is able to enjoy all of them. This is the art of gracious change at its pitch of perfection, wherein heart, soul, and mind agree harmoniously together to freely submit to and rejoice in God's fatherly disposal in every situation.
Now I, being but an advanced beginner, am not able to deal with all three levels at once. I play therefore in only one dimension, and that the shallowest. During a change, I perform the correct movements and occupy myself with the surface of things: doing dishes, cleaning my room, getting through a day at the office, observing the weather, the way the light falls on the floor at home, the dinginess of winter landscapes, the beauty of winter sunrises.
My emotions (at least, the emotions which belong to the Virginian side of me) are not serene. They are merely absent. I have locked them all in a watertight box and sent them floating off upon the waters, whence after many days I expect that they shall return. Meanwhile I am busily unpacking the box of Maryland emotions which I left at home. They want airing and some need to be mended, but I packed them away with lavender and am pleased to find them still so wearable. Above all, I cultivate a cheerfulness which acknowledges that every day will be fraught with alteration in my mental patterns, and that these alterations necessarily accompany a change of this magnitude, etc. etc. If one cannot meet change with cheerfulness, one has not mastered even the most basic principle of the Art. Alas, I am in this also a mere novice.
I know that my style is stilted, technical, and lacking in that expression which makes a dance beautiful. It is not the best. Still, in being above a zero it is so very much better than the aching misery of previous transitions. I am, therefore, profoundly grateful. True, I am not able to experience more than one level of change, because if I permitted myself to experience it, I should be miserable. But true also that I am able to sincerely enjoy the dimension that I permit myself, and that, as I become more settled, I shall be able to access the deeper levels of emotional response with serenity as well.
God giving grace. Amen.
So now you know where I am. :-) Please pray.
I consider myself an upper novice. Had I begun to train earlier, I could have been by now a skilled member of the open division, but---more from lack of willingness to learn than from lack of opportunity to practice---it is only in the last year or so that I have begun to pay serious attention to the discipline of graceful change.
This clumsiness is still evident in my style of performing a change, which I shall now judge critically as belonging to the category of "strictly sensuous." A real adept, when faced with a change, is able not only to experience change on three levels (the surface or sensuous level of details, the deep level of emotional response, and the deepest level of the soul), but is able to enjoy all of them. This is the art of gracious change at its pitch of perfection, wherein heart, soul, and mind agree harmoniously together to freely submit to and rejoice in God's fatherly disposal in every situation.
Now I, being but an advanced beginner, am not able to deal with all three levels at once. I play therefore in only one dimension, and that the shallowest. During a change, I perform the correct movements and occupy myself with the surface of things: doing dishes, cleaning my room, getting through a day at the office, observing the weather, the way the light falls on the floor at home, the dinginess of winter landscapes, the beauty of winter sunrises.
My emotions (at least, the emotions which belong to the Virginian side of me) are not serene. They are merely absent. I have locked them all in a watertight box and sent them floating off upon the waters, whence after many days I expect that they shall return. Meanwhile I am busily unpacking the box of Maryland emotions which I left at home. They want airing and some need to be mended, but I packed them away with lavender and am pleased to find them still so wearable. Above all, I cultivate a cheerfulness which acknowledges that every day will be fraught with alteration in my mental patterns, and that these alterations necessarily accompany a change of this magnitude, etc. etc. If one cannot meet change with cheerfulness, one has not mastered even the most basic principle of the Art. Alas, I am in this also a mere novice.
I know that my style is stilted, technical, and lacking in that expression which makes a dance beautiful. It is not the best. Still, in being above a zero it is so very much better than the aching misery of previous transitions. I am, therefore, profoundly grateful. True, I am not able to experience more than one level of change, because if I permitted myself to experience it, I should be miserable. But true also that I am able to sincerely enjoy the dimension that I permit myself, and that, as I become more settled, I shall be able to access the deeper levels of emotional response with serenity as well.
God giving grace. Amen.
So now you know where I am. :-) Please pray.
posted by Praelucor at 9:16 AM
2 Comments:
Goodness gracious! When you mentioned you'd gotten back into the blogging world, I had no idea you meant such a feast after months of fast!
Welcome back, puella. :-)
Ya, I have been praying for you, my dear. I hope that you can feel my love - and, more so, God's love - even from a distance. I am extremely hopeful for both of our happiness. We have a wonderful God and wonderful families, even during the troublous times.
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