Why English Teachers Flee the System
Maybe you have to have grown up in the education/publishing milieu in order to find the following as hilarious as I did. Be that as it may, I submit for your review...
Why English Teachers Flee the System
Every year, English teachers from across the country can submit theircollections of actual analogies and metaphors found in high schoolessays. These excerpts are published each year to the amusement of teachers across the country. Here are last year's winners.....
Note from Me: I have edited this list, as some of the metaphors and analogies were unsuitable.
He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like aguy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the countryspeaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solareclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.
She grew on him like she was a colony of E. Coli, and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.
Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.
The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegratedbecause of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM machine.
The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way abowling ball wouldn't.
McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bagfilled with vegetable soup.
From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.
Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.
The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.
Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced acrossthe grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one havingleft Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topekaat 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.
They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fencesthat resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.
John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.
He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and she was theEast River.
Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.
Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.
The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil,this plan just might work.
The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from noteating for a while.
He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either,but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.
It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.
He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.
Why English Teachers Flee the System
Every year, English teachers from across the country can submit theircollections of actual analogies and metaphors found in high schoolessays. These excerpts are published each year to the amusement of teachers across the country. Here are last year's winners.....
Note from Me: I have edited this list, as some of the metaphors and analogies were unsuitable.
He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like aguy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the countryspeaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solareclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.
She grew on him like she was a colony of E. Coli, and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.
Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.
The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegratedbecause of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM machine.
The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way abowling ball wouldn't.
McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bagfilled with vegetable soup.
From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.
Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.
The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.
Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced acrossthe grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one havingleft Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topekaat 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.
They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fencesthat resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.
John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.
He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and she was theEast River.
Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.
Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.
The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil,this plan just might work.
The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from noteating for a while.
He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either,but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.
It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.
He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.
posted by Praelucor at 10:57 AM
4 Comments:
!!!!
This made me laugh out loud, right in the middle of St. Louis Bread Company (called Panera on the East Coast). The old guy across the way gave me a funny look.
Those are truly terrible. If anyone ever tells me that my hair glistens like a wet nose hair, he'll deserve what's coming to him. ;)
There are lots and lots of St. Louis Bread Company restaurants in this area, seeing as it is the St. Louis area and all. ;)
Nate, that's a lovely idea! I should visit you in Cambridge this summer! Christy, we should make a jaunt to Cambridge this summer to celebrate my graduation. :D :D It would be much more fun with you.
LOL. Thanks, my Mom and I laughed and laughed. The sad thing is, I think that some of my students have written stuff almost that bad. O tempora! O mores!
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