The Office - Season 5: "My Glyphs are Gone"

“Hmm…. My glyphs are gone.” – Amy
David, bursting into humming: “Where have all the glyphs gone? / Long time passing? / Where have all the glyphs gone? / Long time ago…”

“But where has the rum gone?” – Mom
“I drank it all ‘cause I was really thirsty.” – David
“But where has the rum gone?” – Mom
“Well, first to my tummy…” – David
“Stop!” – Mom

“Well, I think we can all agree that he was blind.” – David, attempting (unsuccessfully, but hilariously) to cut the Gordion knot of Milton’s ambiguities in Paradise Lost.

“Shoot him!” – Mom
“So many threats against my person! So many!” – David

“What we’ve got here…. Obviously… dun-duhn, dun-duhn….” – David, taking a sheet of paper with a fin-shaped printing weirdness on it and beginning to loom towards Brittainy
“Ahhhh! I’m dead!” – Brittainy, playing along
“So, yeah, I think it’s a printer malfunction.” – David, snapping out of it

“Some people are born with e-chang, some people achieve e-change, and some people have e-change thrust upon them. You’re the last kind.” – David to Christy
“What is e-chang?” – Christy
“I don’t really know. It’s got something to do with The Godfather.” – David

“You know, since you’ve moved out here [to the outer office] you’ve racked up so many quotes. I don’t think it’s safe to put you with people.” – Christy to David
“That’s what the doctor said… just before I bit his leg and escaped.” – David
“I don’t even want to know.” – Amy

“Oy, vey.” – Amy
“Yes! I got an ‘oy vey’ out of Amy!” – David

“It just goes to show that even when a guy gets married, he isn’t completely un-helpless-ed” – Christy on Dad and microwaves
“Yes, we remain significantly helpless throughout our adult lives.” – David