The Office -- Season 5: "David Among Us"

“George II of Britain looks like a really scary woman.” – Amy, out of nowhere

“John, Jacob, Jingleheimer Schmidt! His name is my name too!” – David, jumping up and down and singing at the top of his lungs, completely randomly, in front of Juli
“Wow. And you’re in the season of life ahead of me.” – Juli

“I can geek out about pencils if I want to. I’m an art major.” – David

“He’s creepy. He’s right up there with Oompa-Loompas in my book. I mean, he needs to be spanked. He’s like one of those creepy people who hangs around and stares.” – David on the Cheshire Cat in Alice in Wonderland
“Um, he basically is one of those people who hangs around and stares.” – Christy
“Yeah, but he’s like their patron saint.” – David

“This is so dumb! It’s like pants made of swiss cheese!” – David
“That’s pretty dumb.” – Amy
“Yeah. Good thing I’m not having a bad attitude about it.” – David

“C’mon, paste! You know, the stuff you eat in kindergarten!” – Juli to the computer

“It’s kinda like ‘B.C.’ and ‘A.D.’” – David on his life before and after marriage
“I agree that it is like that, though perhaps you should call it ‘B.C.’ and ‘A.C.’ for ‘Before Casey’ and ‘After Casey’?” – Christy, trying to avoid theological problems
“No, just change the ‘D’ in the second one to stand for ‘domesticus…’ or, what, ‘domestice’?” – David, drawing on his knowledge of high school Latin
“’Domesticus’ is an adjective.” – Christy, doubtfully
“Okay, then, ‘the year of the house’!” – David
“Why don’t we just say anno uxore, ‘the year of the wife’?” – Christy
“No. I want the ‘D.’” – David
“Hmm… well, actually it looks like domesticus is a noun also… second declension… you’ll notice it’s very rare…” – Christy, looking online
“Yes! I win! I was even right about the ending—domestice!” – David

The Day David Decided to Be the Office Cinderella…
“That does it! We need another man around here so there’ll be somebody else ‘other’ enough for you all to mock!” – David, rebelling against the teasing he gets (and begs for) from the all-girl Development department of the office.
“Okay. You go find another guy.” – Christy
“Okay I will.” – David
“After you finish all your other chores, Cinderella.” – Christy
“That’s it! I’m just going to put on an apron and go around singing ‘Sing Sweet Lullaby.’” – David
“’Sweet Lullaby’?” – Brittainy
“’Sweet Nightingale.’ Whatever! You knew what I meant. And I’ll get roaches and name them Gus and Jack-Jack…” – David
“You already named Jack ‘Jack-Jack’” – Christy
“That’s right, I did! So I won’t name roaches; I’ll name minions! And you will all get wicked stepsister names.” – David
“As long as it’s a good one, I don’t care.” – Amy
“Someone’s going to wind up as Lucifer [the wicked cat], and they’re going to have to wear that. Cookies will be accepted as bribes for a better name.” – David
“Better stepsister names?” – Christy
“There’s Drusilla and Anastasia. Anastasia is way better than Drusilla.” – David
“I’d go with Drusilla. It’s better than ‘Amy.’” – Amy