The Office: Season 7 Finale --- "Samuel Appreciation Weekend"

We told him that it was "Saladin Appreciation Weekend," part of our office effort to be culturally aware.

This was a massive lie. It was actually Samuel Appreciation Weekend" (or, as David likes to call it, "Samuel Abscondence Weekend" and "Samuel Adieu Weekend").

It was my fault. I woke up Thursday morning and, in an effort to force myself to get out of bed (it had been another late and discouraging night), I prayed "Lord, I need help."

Help came in the most unexpected form. A mental image of Sam in a turban bloomed in my mind, and as I chuckled over it to myself in the mirror, suddenly the thought occurred: Why not?

After all, it was his last two days in the Office...

And so began another brilliant success in the history of Office pranks, which is a grand tradition stretching back to Laura's Love Note. I called David first, of course, and then asked the parents for their blessing, because that is how Somerville children are to do their pranking: ask Mom and Dad to make sure it isn't stupid or harmful, and if they don't veto it (which rarely happens), they'll help you make it better.

P.S. Dad, thanks again for getting me the duct tape for the "Marriage Mart" banners at college. I'll never forget that, and it (among many other things) automatically makes you the coolest Dad alive.

With their blessing (Dad didn't believe it would work and Mom was reluctant, but they gave it nevertheless) I talked to Brittainy and the girls, I IMed Juli, Ray, and Dana, and I called Peter. My phone was tragically toasted at the time, so David called me on Marjorie's cell. Every time he called, the prank got bigger and better. Originally, we had simply intended to all wear turbans and finagle Sam into wearing a hot pink turban for a nonexistent Office tradition.

As the idea grew, it became Saladin Appreciation Weekend and we realized that by duping Sam into wearing a turban on the first day, and then telling him that everybody was supposed to come in full desert regalia on the second day, and then by coming on the second day in normal clothes ourselves and having him be the only one in costume... well, you get the idea.

We had exactly one hour.

It worked. And he was actually much happier about it than he looks: this is his "I'm cool" picture. “I’d say the pink is pretty hot” was his comment.

Sam’s status message, two minutes after I told him what day it was and wound a hot pink turban around his head "because all the other ones are taken" was “Saladin is the Bomb Diggity!”

Responses:
“I almost swallowed my pop when I saw your away message.” – Ray to Sam (who, of course, was in on the joke)
“Your status message just about captures the dignity and respect of the thing.” – Juli to Sam on his status message (she was in on the joke too)

“I have a whole hour and a half of this music,” – Sam on the pseudo-Indian-Arab music that he has put on for “Saladin Appreciation Weekend”

“The nice thing about Sam is that he enters into the spirit of things.” – Christy

“For want of a digital camera, the picture of Dana in a turban was lost.” – Ray
“Dude, he needs to get a digital camera!” – Christy

“Tomorrow, we tell him that SAW actually stands for Samuel Adieu Weekend or Samuel Abscondence Weekend.” – David on IM to Christy
“Perfect” – Christy

“SAW delights the spirit as carbuncles of great price delight the wise and noble merchant!” – David's status message

“Your chances of pulling this off stand at about 0.” – Dad to Christy
“Pessimist. I’ll have you know that he’s already bought it and is wearing the hot pink turban that I provided for him’” – Christy (about Sam)

Throughout the day, IM status messages abounded with Saladin jokes, pronunciation guides, and history-of information. We are such education geeks. Here are a few of the more artistic efforts:

a famous announcer named Madden//while relaxing in his luxurious den//was drinking his bourbon//and put on a turban//and said "look at me! I'm Saladin!" – Sam’s first try at a limerick in honor of Saladin Appreciation Weekend

Depression had so gripped John Madden//that his wife, who was anxious to gladden//poured him some bourbon//and made him a turban//and said "Look, my dear, you're Saladin!" – David and Sam, a second limerick

And on the second day, the results of all our combined efforts and enjoyment: Sam Being Surprised

Lawrence of Arabia. It's just sickening that he looks so good in that outfit! And here's the "Nice one, guys. You got me" look (at the end of Day 1 we had taken pity on him and provided a blue turban).


I'd like to say for the record that Sam has been a fine and splendid sport throughout. We had confidence that he would. Thanks for being humble, Sam! We'll miss you while you're off at school, and don't forget that we've booked your life for next summer. :-D

Amy walked in, having been gone throughout these proceedings, and added the perfect concluding comments:

"You fell for that? I wouldn't have fallen for that!" - Amy to Sam
"Amy, think about the people in this office!" - Sam, meaning that we would actually do something as absurd as Saladin Appreciation Weekend
"Exactly, Sam! Just think about the people in this office!" - Amy, meaning that we would totally pull this kind of prank.

And you know... they're both right.

Here are a few other quotes from the days immediately preceding SAW... before any of us know what the dawn of Thursday would hold. Some of these are strangely prophetic.

“I need you all to be especially funny for the next few days so that I can do a season finale.” – Christy
“When does the season end?” – Sam
“When you leave.” – Christy
“So I’m the season finale!” – Sam
“You’re more like the cliff-hanger.” – Ben

“David.” – Sam
“Yeah?” – David, rocking thoughtfully in his chair
“You’re making noise.” – Sam
“Yeah.” – David
::Pause::
“Sam’s good at identifying stuff.” – David

Sam editing the Office Quotes…
“Here I sit, trying to serve the office and boost morale by keeping a quote book, and all my office-mates are critics!” – Christy
“You missed a quotation mark.” – Sam
“You know what Sam, you don’t deserve me…. And I definitely don’t deserve you.” – Christy

“The rest of the world has accepted my full disclaimer that I sometimes have to re-arrange, add to, or slightly reword things in order to make them understandable for our reading public. The rest of the world is fine with this. But you…” – Christy to Sam

“What was that other infinitesimal and completely non-essential bit of punctuation that I failed to capture immortally, O Editorial One?” – Christy to Sam on a quote book quote
“You missed a line break. It makes it look like it’s one long section.” – Sam
“Your death will be slow and painful.” – Christy

“You missed a line break on this one quote…” – Sam
“SAM! I will smite you! Why do you do this to me when you know how much sleep I’m on!?” – Christy
“Sam, if you mess with Christy’s mental state, I will mess with your mental state.” – David

“If you’d get on IM, Sam, I could send you this quote so that you can check it for errors.” – Christy
“I am on IM. Didn’t you get my new screen name?” – Sam
“Oh. Yes I got it, but I didn’t put it up on my buddy list.” – Christy
“Too lazy, huh?” – Sam
“No! It’s part of my ongoing vendetta against your person, being, and soul!” – Christy, exasperated
“Christy!” – Mom
“I was driven to it, Mom! You haven’t been down here for the last ten minutes!” – Christy

Later…
“Thank you, Sam. That was actually rather cathartic and helpful.” – Christy

“Can I kill him, please?” – Christy to Brittainy about Sam
“No. I’m using him.” – Brittainy
Later…
“Are you done using Sam yet?” – Christy to Brittainy
“No. I need him for at least the next three days.” – Brittainy
“But after that he’ll be gone!” – Christy
“You can kill me on Friday night…” – Sam
“Sam! Don’t tell her that!” – Brittainy
“She was trying to keep you alive, man.” – Christy

“Have you seen Herbie the love snail yet today?” – Mom