The Office: Season 7 -- "Man is a Wack Job"

“So you’re leaving us in a week. Traitor.” – Christy to Sam
“Christy! No he isn’t!” – Brittainy
“Everybody takes his side.” – Christy
“That’s because you make the most outrageous statements and they need balancing.” – Brittainy
“I was saying that I would miss him. He knew what I meant.” – Christy
“Well, yes…” – Sam
Later…
“See! Sam is mean to me too! This is a two-way street of meanness.” – Christy
“And I rebuked him, didn’t I?” – Brittainy
“Yes, but you didn’t slap him.” – Christy
“Well, I don’t slap you when you’re being mean to Sam!” – Brittainy
“Let’s be honest, here: can any of us really see Brittainy slapping anybody?” – Amy

“David called me three times from the beach. I figured it was important, so I went outside to call him back. But he said he just called me to find out what ‘avuncular’ means.” – Sam
“What?! He should have called me. Now I’m jealous.” – Christy
“I told him I’d look it up.” – Sam, going to look it up
“It means ‘like an uncle’” – Christy
"Oh." - Sam
“Maybe he should have called Christy.” – Amy
Later…
“He said he did call you first, Christy. But your phone was off.” – Sam
“Oh, good.” – Christy
Still later…
“I just want you to know that I forgive you.” – Christy to David
“Since I did call you, there’s nothing to forgive. But you can apologize for judging me.” – David
“Oh. That works too. I’m sorry for judging you.” – Christy
“I forgive you.” – David

Development and Production Offices SAT Scores:
Scott: 1570 (old system)
Ben: 1570 (old system)
Sam: 2250 (new system), 1500 (old system)
Peter: 1970 (new system), “we have no idea, but pretty high” (old system)
Brittainy: 1450 or 1485 (she doesn’t remember which: old system)
David: 1400 (old system)
Marcia: 1260 (old system)
Amy: 1170 (first time, old system) and 12-“something” (second time, old system)
Christy: 1200 (old system)

On Office SAT scores…
“The way I get around this [problem of not being smart enough] is by hiring people who are smarter than me.” – Mom
“Well, you failed with Christy and me. Christy, let’s quit.” – Amy
“If you quit I’ll fire you!” – Mom
"All a high SAT score means is 'congratulations; you're good at answering multiple choice questions.' It doesn't make you smarter." - Sam

“Oh, and Sam says he didn't study for the SAT [which Peter considers cheating]. But his score was actually 2250, not 2350, if that helps. I took it down wrong.” – Christy
“Yeah well. I'm still offended. Tell him his superiority is oppressive.” – Peter
“I told him you only mind because you consider yourself more discriminating than he is.” – Christy
“Hey! No, that's not it…well…. okay so that's part of it” – Peter

“Oh, but look at that! Widows and orphans!” – Christy on formatting fixes
“No, Christy! That’s not our job at this time! Leave them alone!” – Brittainy
“True religion, Brittainy, is to visit the widows and orphans.” – David
“I said ‘at this time!’” – Brittainy
“The woman who refuses to visit widows and orphans, she has no true religion.” – David
Later…
“Ha! It’s gone! They were imaginary widows and orphans.” – Brittainy
“How can you help imaginary widows and orphans?” – David
“By giving them imaginary alms” – Sam
“And being their imaginary friends” – Ben
“Well, if you’re an imaginary friend to an imaginary person, what does that make you?” – David

“I have to be honest with you, I don’t really like The Sound of Music” – Amy
“Amy, you’re fired.” – Mom
“Don’t worry, Amy, you aren’t really fired.” – Lauren
“I know.” Amy
“Being fired is actually a sign of job security around here. It means we’re comfortable enough with you to pretend to fire you.” – Christy
“But Amy, to you I will give the classic response of the guard at the Louvre, who said to the young man who didn’t like the Mona Lisa, ‘Sir, the painting has already been judged a classic. It is now the painting that judges.’” – Mom
“Yeah… I think I just overdosed on it because we watched it every Christmas.” – Amy

“Man is a wack job.” – David the Starving Philosopher