Ten Tips for the Care and Feeding of Boys
Yes, really. I did a post on this awhile ago (read "three or four years ago") and now that I have all kinds of new data, it's time I updated it. Buckle your seat belt. Oh, and if it seems like I'm talking about boys as if they were pets, that's because I am. This should be taken as a form of humor, not disrespect. Besides, I assure you that boys have their own "care and feeding" list for girls.
1. The main point about boys is to feed them well. Danya says that basically boys want food and everything else is secondary. Girls with brothers, you already know this. So, the first thing you've got to do with your boy is feed him. The second thing is to feed him well. If you aren't already a good cook, become one. 'Nuff said.
2. Proper care of your boy also involves teaching him to feed himself well, because there will be times when you aren't there to do it. Make sure your boy at least knows how to heat soup and scramble eggs. Also be sure to educate him about the disastrous effects of fast food and direct his attention to healthier alternatives, like Subway.
3. The same applies to other survival skills like sewing. Your boy should be capable of sewing his own buttons back on when necessary. I'll never forget the time when I came across one of my college friends (aged twenty-three at the time) wandering around the dining hall with a suit jacket and a loose button and a lost look on his face. You don't want your boy to be in that difficult position, so make sure he can sew buttons on at least. More difficult and exacting jobs can be left to you. Under no circumstances should you allow your boy to hem his own pants.
4. While we're on the subject of clothes, let's talk about dressing your boy. Obviously he can't dress himself without help, but if you want him to be comfortable you should consult him about his preferences. As my mother used to say, "If you don't like it, you won't wear it." Sometimes you will have to be firm (but gentle) concerning items such as plaid and hawaiian shirts. Also certain types of sunglasses and all manner of t-shirts. Your ability to dress your boy will ultimately depend on what sort of boy he is. Your brothers are furthest from your sphere of influence unless they have exceptionally good sense. Sons are totally under your thumb (be careful not to abuse your power!), as are boys whom you are courting and, to a middling extent, husbands. I commend to you the example of my sister-in-law, Jessica, who by trickery both devious and cunning managed to get hold of Mike's hawaiian shirt (he was deluded enough to think it looked good on him) and handed it over to his sisters to be made into a pillow. Mike wasn't about to quibble with the girl whom he wanted to marry, and the pillow now adorns the seat of my niece's nursery rocking chair. So girls, it can be done, though sometimes it requires guile.
5. Environment (which is also your home). Your boy will become uncomfortable if you surround him with too much pink stuff, too many frills, or too many fragile, cannot-be-broken, cannot-be-dirtied items. Over time he may grow nervous and irritable. Boys have even been known to sicken and die from such environments (they're more delicate than they look). What to do? Some authorities say that it is best to let your boy do as he likes outdoors as a palliative for his indoor experiences. Others advocate that his environment be decorated in relatively neutral colors. Finally, some feel that if your boy owns items which can be broken and dirtied (knives, guns, socks, legos, etc.) then he will not become overwhelmed by a judicious amount of pink stuff. In this matter, perhaps the best rule of thumb is to let your conscience be your guide. Also keep a close eye on your boy for symptoms of fractiousness and illness due to environment.
6. It may seem from what proceeds that it would be best to keep your boy's environment in a slightly dirty state, so as to make him feel more comfortable. Don't fall into that trap! The cleaner and tidier your boy's habitat is, the happier he will be, up to a point. I do not recommend that you make him wash or change clothing more than twice a day (except under extraordinarily muddy or sweaty conditions); otherwise, you cannot keep him too clean.
7. Emotional and mental stability. Contrary to all appearances, boys have feelings which can be hurt. Some of them are even as sensitive as girls about certain topics. Less surprisingly, they often lack mental stability. It is the rule rather than the exception that boys are incapable of finding anything belonging to them, or anything they are asked to find. Likewise they are unable to remember details, appointments, and chores. If you give your boy a list of tasks to perform, a place to be in at a certain time, or ask him to switch the laundry, be assured that you must accompany your instructions and requests with frequent reminders and even then you may not succeed. When this aspect of your boy's nature becomes particularly irksome, be careful to show him more patience, not less. Remember above all that he can't help it, up to a point, and that beyond that point there is hope if you will be persistent in training. Recall, too, that he does have feelings, and that yelling at him won't solve anything.
8. It is good for your boy to experience a certain amount of unsettling from time to time in their life with you. Routines become dull if they are not broken up. Again I commend the example of my sister Jessica, who once or twice locked Mike out of the house as a playful diversion and an opportunity for him to exercises his forced entry skills. To take another instance, my mother recently put ice down Danya's back as an encouragement to him to stop being silly. There are other methods: preparing a favorite meal or dessert is one that your boy will always welcome. Whatever you do, be sure that it unsettles your boy and, if possible, pleases (or at least amuses) him.
9. Remember that most boys (especially small boys) know only two modes: destruction and construction. Try to keep your boy employed in the latter activity as much as possible, though you should also provide periods of healthy destruction. Sometimes the two can be combined: the classic example of this is chopping wood.
10. Love. To put it quite simply, your boy will die without love. Loving him plenty comes even before feeding him plenty. So, whatever else you are doing, be sure to do that.
1. The main point about boys is to feed them well. Danya says that basically boys want food and everything else is secondary. Girls with brothers, you already know this. So, the first thing you've got to do with your boy is feed him. The second thing is to feed him well. If you aren't already a good cook, become one. 'Nuff said.
2. Proper care of your boy also involves teaching him to feed himself well, because there will be times when you aren't there to do it. Make sure your boy at least knows how to heat soup and scramble eggs. Also be sure to educate him about the disastrous effects of fast food and direct his attention to healthier alternatives, like Subway.
3. The same applies to other survival skills like sewing. Your boy should be capable of sewing his own buttons back on when necessary. I'll never forget the time when I came across one of my college friends (aged twenty-three at the time) wandering around the dining hall with a suit jacket and a loose button and a lost look on his face. You don't want your boy to be in that difficult position, so make sure he can sew buttons on at least. More difficult and exacting jobs can be left to you. Under no circumstances should you allow your boy to hem his own pants.
4. While we're on the subject of clothes, let's talk about dressing your boy. Obviously he can't dress himself without help, but if you want him to be comfortable you should consult him about his preferences. As my mother used to say, "If you don't like it, you won't wear it." Sometimes you will have to be firm (but gentle) concerning items such as plaid and hawaiian shirts. Also certain types of sunglasses and all manner of t-shirts. Your ability to dress your boy will ultimately depend on what sort of boy he is. Your brothers are furthest from your sphere of influence unless they have exceptionally good sense. Sons are totally under your thumb (be careful not to abuse your power!), as are boys whom you are courting and, to a middling extent, husbands. I commend to you the example of my sister-in-law, Jessica, who by trickery both devious and cunning managed to get hold of Mike's hawaiian shirt (he was deluded enough to think it looked good on him) and handed it over to his sisters to be made into a pillow. Mike wasn't about to quibble with the girl whom he wanted to marry, and the pillow now adorns the seat of my niece's nursery rocking chair. So girls, it can be done, though sometimes it requires guile.
5. Environment (which is also your home). Your boy will become uncomfortable if you surround him with too much pink stuff, too many frills, or too many fragile, cannot-be-broken, cannot-be-dirtied items. Over time he may grow nervous and irritable. Boys have even been known to sicken and die from such environments (they're more delicate than they look). What to do? Some authorities say that it is best to let your boy do as he likes outdoors as a palliative for his indoor experiences. Others advocate that his environment be decorated in relatively neutral colors. Finally, some feel that if your boy owns items which can be broken and dirtied (knives, guns, socks, legos, etc.) then he will not become overwhelmed by a judicious amount of pink stuff. In this matter, perhaps the best rule of thumb is to let your conscience be your guide. Also keep a close eye on your boy for symptoms of fractiousness and illness due to environment.
6. It may seem from what proceeds that it would be best to keep your boy's environment in a slightly dirty state, so as to make him feel more comfortable. Don't fall into that trap! The cleaner and tidier your boy's habitat is, the happier he will be, up to a point. I do not recommend that you make him wash or change clothing more than twice a day (except under extraordinarily muddy or sweaty conditions); otherwise, you cannot keep him too clean.
7. Emotional and mental stability. Contrary to all appearances, boys have feelings which can be hurt. Some of them are even as sensitive as girls about certain topics. Less surprisingly, they often lack mental stability. It is the rule rather than the exception that boys are incapable of finding anything belonging to them, or anything they are asked to find. Likewise they are unable to remember details, appointments, and chores. If you give your boy a list of tasks to perform, a place to be in at a certain time, or ask him to switch the laundry, be assured that you must accompany your instructions and requests with frequent reminders and even then you may not succeed. When this aspect of your boy's nature becomes particularly irksome, be careful to show him more patience, not less. Remember above all that he can't help it, up to a point, and that beyond that point there is hope if you will be persistent in training. Recall, too, that he does have feelings, and that yelling at him won't solve anything.
8. It is good for your boy to experience a certain amount of unsettling from time to time in their life with you. Routines become dull if they are not broken up. Again I commend the example of my sister Jessica, who once or twice locked Mike out of the house as a playful diversion and an opportunity for him to exercises his forced entry skills. To take another instance, my mother recently put ice down Danya's back as an encouragement to him to stop being silly. There are other methods: preparing a favorite meal or dessert is one that your boy will always welcome. Whatever you do, be sure that it unsettles your boy and, if possible, pleases (or at least amuses) him.
9. Remember that most boys (especially small boys) know only two modes: destruction and construction. Try to keep your boy employed in the latter activity as much as possible, though you should also provide periods of healthy destruction. Sometimes the two can be combined: the classic example of this is chopping wood.
10. Love. To put it quite simply, your boy will die without love. Loving him plenty comes even before feeding him plenty. So, whatever else you are doing, be sure to do that.
posted by Praelucor at 9:51 PM
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